Sometimes when I’m looking up one particular topic on the internet, I’ll come across something completely unrelated but equally compelling. More often than not, this will lead to following thread after thread and finding out just what bizarre place I’ll wind up in. Such was the case earlier today, and I just couldn’t help myself. Now, for good or ill, you get to share the thrill of my discoveries…
If you ever happen to be in Bolivia and fancy a motorcyle ride, take a word of advice – don’t steal one. Especially if you’re in or near the village of Ayopaya. Two young men, ages 18 and 19 tried that and found out the hard way that sort of behavior is frowned upon. In a particularly ugly way, actually. How ugly? Well, the two men were apprehended by villagers and tied to a tree swarming with fire ants. According to Fox News, although they are both still alive at this writing, one of them is currently in intensive care while the other has already had to undergo dialysis for kidney failure, according to Dr. Roberto Paz. It’s unclear at the moment just how long the men were tied to the tree, but a sister of one of the men said that they were held for three days, and were freed only after relatives paid $3,700 as compensation for the motorcycles.
If you want some kicks in Bolivia that are legal but dangerous nonetheless, try taking the Road of Death from La Paz to Coroico, a roughly 40 mile road that is one lane, has no guard rails, and is perched on the side of a steep mountain with sheer vertical drops that would make a base jumper faint:
In other strange news, there is a most unsettling law in Massachusetts about having sex with a rodeo clown, which, from what I can gather, seems to be perfectly fine… that is, as long as there are no horses present. The governing body of Massachusetts evidently doesn’t want any horse to have to witness this loving encounter, presumably because it might corrupt the horses’ morals. Or something like that. Who knows?
Staying with the theme of weird sex laws, one law led to another and I continued reading. I almost wish I hadn’t, because it brought to mind some things I’d really rather not have to see in my mind’s eye. But because I masochistically continued to read, so now must you be the recipient of my newly found knowledge. To wit: (See, I’m even starting to sound legal!)
In Miami, Florida, men are not, and I repeat not allowed to wear a strapless gown in public. Don’t try this, gentlemen; the authorities will not be amused, and you will be arrested.
In Colorado, it is against the law to kiss a sleeping woman. I suppose in reality you could get away with this unless your sweetie decides to press charges because you woke her up in the morning with a steaming hot cup of coffee and kisses. No, best stay legal with this one, guys. Just enjoy your coffee, read the paper, and let her wake up on her own.
This one hails from Bakersfield, California, where anyone having sex with Satan must use a condom. Well, naturally – if you’ve ever seen the movie It’s Alive, you’ll understand…
In Ottumwa, Iowa, it is unlawful, within the corporate city limits, for any male person to wink at any female person with whom he is not acquainted. I hope Radar O’Reilly wasn’t ever busted on this charge.
And in Alexandria, Minnesota, a man isn’t allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath. If his wife requests it of him, he must go brush his teeth. Well, there you have it, gentlemen… your marching orders or jail.
And now, a little cosmetic news for the fair sex. You no longer have to go trying to find snails to put on your face to enhance your beauty. A company called Charmzone has taken care of all that for you. Read on, and rejoice, ladies!
You no longer need to let snails crawl across your face to stay looking young. Because Charmzone is now selling Snail Wrinkle Recover Cream (available from Amazon for $59.99 a jar), which it claims is the first cream formulated with concentrated filtrate of snail mucus. Just smear the snail mucus all over your face and enjoy the glow of youth. [viastyleite.com]
Here’s one that’s sure to get the good people at PETA worked up into a lather – Hell Pizza of New Zealand is offering as their Easter special… you guessed it. Rabbit pizza. Yum! And just to lend an air of authenticism to it, they’ve covered the entire billboard in rabbit skins.
My thanks to foxnews.com, weirdsexlaws.com, and weirduniverse.net for providing me with all these laughs. I’ll be sending you a bill for my ruined monitor and keyboard because you made me spit my coffee while reading some of this nonsense. And if you don’t pay, I’ll sue…